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Can secret cyber romance on the computer lead to a breaking down of relationships in the sober light of ‘reality’?

And is online indiscretion something to be worried about? - Or is it just harmless fun?

- What is appropriate and what is not appropriate when you are in a relationship? -

Can contact by chatting with members of the opposite sex online be construed as cheating’? After all, a computer is only a machine, not flesh and blood. How can striking up an online relationship be seen as cheating?

Well, as far as I am concerned it can be; and very damaging it can be too, in many ways. Though a grey area, emailing and messaging a member of the opposite sex other than your partner, can be very destructive; a betrayal of trust, a deceit and an abuse of the sanctity of a relationship.

It is not so much the act of messaging that is the problem; it is the secretive nature in which it is carried out. Usually behind your back when you are not present. Rendering the chatting to much more than just harmless by the way it is performed and by the thought process behind the action.

The very fact that a partner feels the need to have regular contact with another member of the opposite sex, other than his partner is entirely inappropriate and can be seen as a form of cheating.

In online relationships I feel it is far worse a betrayal than the physical, because it involves the mind and the emotions. You are becoming emotionally involved with another. You are sharing private conversations and thoughts, moments and feelings; and as time progresses, so does the relationship.

Any regular form of contact is bonding as you get to know more and more about each other, and this can lead to an even greater betrayal.

From the talking, the next step in unfaithfulness is the texting of the person you are becoming closer to. This normally follows prolonged periods of conversation online. It is the next natural step in the online cheating cycle. So you could look upon this courting ritual pretty much the same as cheating offline.

Relationships don’t stay on one level, they progress, and this is the very danger of striking up relationships online. Not a problem if you are single, but a very real and definite problem if you are not. Chatting online can lead to flirting, and that is definitely not acceptable when you are in a close relationship, and flirting can lead to so much more.

Online cheating is insidious. It is not visible yet it can cause irreparable damage in some instances. The betrayal felt is just the same as if there was a physical presence involved, sometimes even greater, as your opponent is not visible, more an object of fantasy, which would be impossible to compete with in the real world.

It can be totally crushing to experience the fact that your partner would rather spend time secretly talking to a faceless person on the Internet rather than spending this precious time with you. It can be demoralising, extremely hurtful, and very damaging to your relationship, to think that they could so easily crush your trust for the sake of an online fling.

You cannot see the emotional attachment, but you can definitely see the evidence of it -

Does your partner become agitated, fidgety and distracted after checking their emails and messages? - Do they go into another room to compose and send a text? - Do they get up in the morning before you, to send an email? - Do they hurriedly send messages or emails when you leave the room, or are having a bath? - Do they quickly close windows or change tabs as you enter the room? - Do they take the computer to another room, closing the door? Is their computer password protected? - Are they guarded and secretive all of a sudden?

All these things could’ be evidence that they are deceiving you, and are in fact involved in an online relationship. Of course it may not, but these pointers do often seem to be common and recurring giveaways in Online cheating case studies.

Now you could always try talking to your partner about the matter; just ask them. But what’s the betting that you won’t get a straight or honest answer.

On the other hand, if you have it out with them, and they admit it, and they say they will never do it again, yet continue to do so. Even though they know how upset it has all made you. I think that then is the grounds for serious dismissal. Once a cheater always cheater so they say. If you are living with, married to, or a fiancée of; think to yourself, surely your partner would not be so stupid as to risk losing you, for the sake of a shallow online affair? - Or would they?

At the end of the day it’s a question of trust in a loving relationship, and if one partner feels the need to cross the boundaries of what is acceptable and decent, then they may just have to face the consequences, as you both become yet another sad statistic of casual Online cheating.

Many a relationship has been destroyed in this way. After all, if you can’t trust your partner…

What is there left to salvage? - And… would you really want to?